Just a little bit of info about me - I am 29 (yikes!) and currently on maternity leave from my job at a large automotive supplier where I work as a service coordinator. The company I work for supplies instrument panels and consoles to Ford. My job before I went on maternity leave was to coordinate building and supplying parts to Ford for service (past model) orders. I also am the cross country coach for Manchester Schools - I coach both boys and girls, high shool and middle school. I started coaching last year and this will be my second season. If I do go back to my job as service coordinator, it won't be until January. We're still determining if I will go back or not (and if I have a choice!).
I love to bake (and eat!) and I also crochet and cross-stitch, when I have time. I enjoy running and hope to get more serious about it as I recover from having Grace. We are hoping to run the Keweenaw 25K again next summer.
I love dogs, and our first baby (he's a yellow lab), Toby, is still very special to me. He will be 8 years old in January and is definitely my best friend!! He was there for me through all the heartbreak of the past 3 years and I'm so glad he is with us so Grace can grow up with him. He's still adjusting to her arrival, but I think they will get along great.
So, that's about it. I'm afraid I'm not that exciting :)
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Monday, August 30, 2010
Friday, August 27, 2010
The Birth of our Miracle
As I stated in the last post, I was pretty lucky to have a textbook pregnancy with Grace without any major issues. I did forget to mention that when we went to our 20 week ultrasound the tech said the amniotic fluid was "low" and that I would have to come back again in 2 weeks to have it re-checked. She never said how low it looked, so of course I looked up stuff on the internet and started freaking out because most of the articles said it either meant that you were leaking fluid or the baby's kidneys weren't working properly. I called my doctor in a panic and she told me it was only subjectively low and that she didn't see anything to worry about. She was so nice and even though I was still worried she calmed me down a lot. When we went in 2 weeks later everything was fine. I would still like to wring that tech's neck!!
So, back to the birth. My due date was May 13th and I went on maternity leave from work starting on May 3rd (which also happened to be my birthday!). I was hoping that I would have at least a week off of work before the baby came, but I was also really hoping that I wasn't late!! My sister was also planning on coming up from NC to be there for the birth, so it was a little nerve-wracking hoping that whenever I did go into labor she would be able to make it. I had a doctor's appt on 5/6 and the doctor stripped my membranes and said I was 80% effaced and a little over 1 cm dilated. I called my sister and she decided to come up the next day and stay for about a week so that she would hopefully be here when the baby came.
I started getting pretty antsy after that. I remember that one minute I wanted labor to start, and the next minute I was terrified and never wanted labor to start!! I felt like a ticking time bomb that could go off at any time, and every little twinge would make me wonder if I was going into labor. On Monday, 5/10 my sister came over and we played Wii Sports and then watched Dancing with the Stars. I started feeling little contractions during the show and we started timing them. They first started about 10 minutes apart and then after about 2 hours they were down to 6 or 7 minutes apart. We all started getting excited, and we were pretty sure I would be going to the hospital early the next morning. I went to bed after my sister left and woke up around 2 am from the contractions. They still weren't really painful, but definitely more painful than before. I got up and ate some food and tried reading a book but was too anxious. I finally woke Jeff up at around 5 am and told him that I thought we should start thinking about going to the hospital. I took a shower and we left about 6 am. When we got there they took me into triage and I was only 2 cm and still 80% effaced. Since it wasn't enough to admit me, they had me walk around the hospital for an hour and then re-checked me. Nothing had changed, so they sent us home. They told me to wait to come back until the contractions were so bad I couldn't walk.
I was pretty annoyed with myself for being wrong about being in labor. We got home a little after 11 am (5/11) and I went to bed to try and get some sleep. When I woke up 2 hours later the contractions had stopped. I was so mad!! Later that evening they started again but were really sporadic and not any more intense than they had been. We went on a 2 mile walk to try to move things along, but it didn't do anything. I continued to have the sporadic contractions all night, and they did start getting more intense, but still not enough. On Wed morning (5/12) Jeff stayed home from work for an hour or so and we went on another walk to see if anything would happen, but it was still the same situation so he went to work. By 11 am I was so sick of sitting at home and timing my contractions that I called my mom and sister and asked if they wanted to go to the mall. I had to get out of the house!!
When we got to the mall we ate and walked around. I'm not sure what time it was (sometime between 1 and 2 pm) that the contractions started getting a lot more intense. They also started to get more regular and were around 5 minutes apart. We walked around for awhile before we left. On the way back to my house both my mom and my sister told me that I needed to call Jeff so he could leave work because my contractions were now closer to 2-3 minutes apart. Jeff remembers that I called him at 3:46 pm.
Jeff got home and we left for the hospital pretty much right away. We got there around 5:30 pm and waited in the waiting room until about 6 pm before going to triage. They examined me and I was 100% effaced and 3 cms dilated so they decided to admit me. I knew I wanted to try to have a natural birth so I asked if they had a room with a Jacuzzi tub and luckily they did. After being admitted, we decided to walk around for an hour and then I wanted to get into the tub. I remember that American Idol was on and I wanted to see who was kicked off so I waited until 10 pm to get in the tub. Jeff took a nap and I was in the tub for about an hour, but I noticed that my contractions really slowed down when I was in there so I got out. We went on another walk for about an hour and came back. The nurse checked me around 12:30 am and I was at 5 cms. I had been laying on my back and I wanted to roll over to my side so I asked Jeff to help me and as soon as I tried to roll I felt all this warm liquid come out. I don't know why but they first thing I thought was that it was blood. I told Jeff and I remember him saying "Don't you think your water broke?" and it dawned on me that it was probably what happened. I called the nurse and she didn't believe me, but when they tested it it was amniotic fluid. This was at 12:45 am. The contractions started getting really intense after that. I remember the baby was also kicking me like crazy! Even the nurse commented on how active the baby was.
Sometime between 2 and 3 am I decided to get morphine. I was in some pretty serious pain but still didn't want an epidural. Looking back I wouldn't get morphine again - it just made me feel really weird. I don't remember a lot of what happened after this point - I remember sitting on a birthing ball for awhile. I think they checked me around 3 or 3:30 am and I was at 10 cm and they had me try to start pushing but there was still a little bit of my cervix in the way and the baby wasn't low enough yet so I had to try not to push when I had contractions. They tied a sheet to a rail at the end of the bed and I pulled on that every time I had a contraction. The contractions slowed down some to about 4 minutes apart and I remember dozing off in between them (Jeff slept in a chair through most of this part). I do know that at one point he told me it was okay if I got an epidural and he wouldn't think I was a failure!! I think he wanted it more for himself than for me, but at that point the thought of having to sit still while someone put a needle in my back sounded worse than the pain. Finally at 5 am I told Jeff that I was glad I was getting a chance to sleep some but was sick of it and wanted to be done. I think the nurse must have been standing right outside the door because as soon as I said that she came and told me it was time to start pushing. I was so glad to hear that but I was nervous too. My sister pushed for 4 hours and I didn't think I could handle it if it took that long for me. I remember that while I was pushing I asked the doctor if the baby was close and she told me that the head was right there and I asked her if she was lying to me so that I would keep pushing! Even though I didn't have any pain medicine I never felt the burning that the books talk about so I thought that I still had a long ways to go, but it only ended up taking a little over 40 minutes of pushing for Grace to arrive.
We hadn't 100% agreed on a name if it was a girl because there were 2 or 3 that we liked, but we had always liked Grace because of its religious meaning. When she came out, I knew that had to be her name. We also picked Luella because that is Jeff's grandma's name and she is one of the most wonderful women I know and we thought it would be an awesome way to honor her. It was so cute when we told her - she said, "I didn't think anyone liked my name!".
We ended up staying in the hospital until Sunday, May 16th because Grace had jaundice. That was awful - she had to sit under the lights with these goggles on and I could only hold her when she had to eat and she cried and cried. I think that took a big emotional toll on me. Thankfully it wasn't any worse and we were able to come home without any additional problems, and our life hasn't been the same since!!
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Our story
Wow, I'm starting a blog. This was something I've always thought of doing, but never really thought I'd have anything that interesting to talk about. Now that our daughter, Grace, is here, I decided I can use this as both a diary of her life and also a way to keep family and friends updated on our family.
I figured I should start at the beginning, or at least the beginning of me and my husband. I first met Jeff at our church when I was 14 and he was 21. Since there was such a big age difference we only saw each other in passing on Sundays and never really talked much. Shortly after my 18th birthday my mom said she saw Jeff "looking at me" in church when I was playing the piano. I blew her off, thinking, "no way". A few weeks later our youth group went putt-putt golfing and I somehow got a hole in one on the last hole, so I won a free game. My mom kept bugging me about how Jeff was "looking at me" so I decided to ask him if he wanted to go putt-putt golfing since I had a free game (yes, I asked HIM out!!). He said yes, and the rest is history. Well, it wasn't quite that simple :) Our first date was almost our last because after we went golfing we went back to his house and he turned the NASCAR race on and proceeded to pretty much ignore me the rest of the night! I remember when I got home my mom was dying to know how it went and I remember telling her that I didn't think I would go out with him again!! I decided to give him another chance and our second date was much better than our first. We started dating the summer of 1999 and on April 26, 2001 Jeff proposed to me in the Ravines of Grand Valley State University. We were married on June 29, 2002. Since I was only 21 when we were married and I had just graduated from college I was in no hurry to start a family. I figured it would be at least 3 years before I would be ready to start a family. Jeff was ready pretty much anytime, but he understood that I wasn't quite ready yet. It took me a little more than 3 years to start thinking about kids - I think I bought my first pregnancy books in 2006 and after reading them decided I still wasn't quite ready to go through everything they talked about in the books :) Plus, the house we lived in at the time was super small and only had 2 really little bedrooms, so I didn't really want to start a family in such a small space. We sold our house in January of 2007 and started remodeling a house right down the road from where Jeff grew up (I'll post more on that later). We had done the Clark Lake Triathlon in 2005 and 2006 and were going to do it again in 2007. I was determined to finish the triathlon in under 2 hours, and I told Jeff that if I did, I would be ready to start trying to have a family. Well, I finished it in 1 hour, 56 minutes, so now I had to keep my word :)
We were blessed to get pregnant on our first try, and I found out I was pregnant on September 21, 2007. We were still working on our house (and living with my mom), so I was a little nervous about the timing, but still very excited. On September 30th I had been working on some landscaping at the house, and when we got back to my mom's I started to feel pain on the left side of my groin. I thought I had maybe pulled a muscle while using the shovel, so I didn't think much of it. The pain kept getting worse throughout the evening, and I decided to go to bed to see if I could get some sleep. I woke up in agony around 2 am and tried walking around and stretching to see if it would get better, but it didn't. I finally woke Jeff up at 3 am and told him that we needed to go to the ER. When we got there they drew my blood to check my HCG values, and they came back really low, but there was no one there to do an ultrasound so we had to wait until my OB/GYN's office opened to have him check that everything was okay. He did the ultrasound around 8:30 am and told me that the pregnancy was ectopic and I would have to have surgery right away to remove it before it burst my tube. I was in complete shock and didn't even know how to handle the news. I had never heard of anyone who had an ectopic pregnancy and only knew what it was from what I had read in books. I couldn't believe that it had happened to me. All my life I had been lucky enough to not have any problems with periods and everything pretty much ran like clockwork, so I had never expected to have any trouble having a baby. That morning I had a laproscopy and laprotomy to remove the baby and ended up with 15 staples and no baby. It was the worst time in my life (up to that point). We hadn't even told our parents that we were pregnant so Jeff had to call our parents and tell them that I was going in for surgery to remove the baby. It was a horrible time. After the surgery my friends all tried to be there for me but I didn't know how to handle what I was feeling so I just holed up at my mom's and didn't really talk to anyone for awhile.
Two months after the surgery we got the green light from the doctor to start trying again, and again we were lucky and got pregnant right away. I found out I was pregnant on December 23, 2007. On January 7th the doctor confirmed the baby was in my uterus so we were super excited. A few weeks later we went in for my 8 week checkup to see the heartbeat. The doctor wasn't able to see one, but said he wasn't too worried since it was still so early. We made an appointment to see him the next week. On Saturday, January 19th I had a little blood when I went to the bathroom. I freaked out, but I tried not too worry too much since I had read that it was pretty common in early pregnancy to have some bleeding. We went to church the next day and during the prayers I felt something and ran to the bathroom. There was blood everywhere. I stayed in the bathroom for close to half an hour with more and more blood coming. I finally came out and told Jeff we needed to go to the ER (for the second time in three months). When we got there they did an ultrasound and couldn't find the baby. At that point I knew there was no chance because I had never seen so much blood. The doctor decided not to do a D&C because I had recently had surgery.
After this, I decided I needed a break from trying to get pregnant, both emotionally and physically. I had gained about 20 lbs after the ectopic pregnancy and my 10 year high school reunion was coming up in the summer and I wanted to focus on getting healthy both mentally and physically. We decided to run a 25K in the Keewenaw Peninsula that summer to help get in shape. We were also going through a bunch of issues with our house remodel and our contractor, so I knew that I needed to take some time off.
In August of 2008 we started trying again, and this time it took a few months. I found out I was pregnant in early November and the doctor confirmed it based on my HCG values, but I ended up having another miscarriage 6 days later. This one wasn't as bad since it was still so early but it was still heartbreaking. I was able to get pregnant again in January but found out that this one was another ectopic in the same tube. I hadn't felt any pain but the doctor saw it on an ultrasound, so I had another surgery on January 19th, 2008. This time the doctor had to remove my left fallopian tube because there was too much scarring. He was able to do it all laprascopically, so it wasn't as bad of a recovery as the first one.
At this point the doctor wanted to check to make sure there was nothing wrong with my right tube (he didn't want me to have to go through another ectopic) so I had a hysterogram (sp?) in February. Other than childbirth, this was the most painful thing I have ever had done. Thankfully, everything turned out okay on the scan and he gave us the okay to start trying again. He did warn us that it might take longer because if I ovulated on the left side I wouldn't be able to get pregnant since the tube had been removed.
We tried for three months with no luck. During that time, I found out my sister was pregnant, and I had a really hard time with it. I was getting desperate at this point. In May 2009 I decided I needed a fresh start and started going to a new doctor. She put me on Clomid to hopefully help me get pregnant. We did 2 months at 50 mg and then went to 100 mg. She told me that if I didn't get pregnant after 2 cycles on 100 mg that I would have to start taking fertility drugs. I really didn't want to go on the drugs so I prayed really hard that I would be able to get pregnant. I remember this was a really dark time in my life. It was like everything else stopped mattering and all I could think about was getting pregnant. It haunted everything else I did. It was so frustrating to have been able to get pregnant so easily before and then try for 6 months without any luck.
By the grace of God I found out on September 4, 2009 that I was pregnant. I could hardly believe the test and I think I took 3 or 4 of them. My sister's baby shower was the next weekend, and I remember the day before her shower I started having pain in my groin and I was convinced that it was another ectopic pregnancy. I remember trying not to cry the whole time during her shower as she was opening her gifts because I was so sure that I would never have a baby shower of my own.
I must have actually pulled my groin that time because when I went to the doctor she was able to see the baby in my uterus. She still couldn't see a heartbeat, but I made an appointment for the next week and tried not to obsess and worry too much. I'll never forget how wonderful it was when I went to that appointment and saw the little heartbeat blink on/off, on/off on the screen. I started crying and was just so overwhelmed to finally be able to see a heartbeat on my baby. It was so hard not to tell everyone I knew but Jeff and I had agreed to wait until 12 weeks to tell anyone. We were super paranoid because we had told people right away on the others and were determined to do everything different this time to not "jinx" anything. I was also so worried to do any physical activity - I had started coaching cross country a month before and was so nervous any time I had to run at one of the meets to get the kids' times that it was going to cause another miscarriage. I was so tired of living in fear of losing a baby!!
Thankfully, everything went okay and we were able to tell everyone in the middle of November. I was very lucky and had a textbook pregnancy and all my ultrasounds were normal. We decided not to find out what we were having because after everything I had been through I wanted it to be a surprise. I also think that deep down I was worried about becoming too attached to the baby.
I figured I should start at the beginning, or at least the beginning of me and my husband. I first met Jeff at our church when I was 14 and he was 21. Since there was such a big age difference we only saw each other in passing on Sundays and never really talked much. Shortly after my 18th birthday my mom said she saw Jeff "looking at me" in church when I was playing the piano. I blew her off, thinking, "no way". A few weeks later our youth group went putt-putt golfing and I somehow got a hole in one on the last hole, so I won a free game. My mom kept bugging me about how Jeff was "looking at me" so I decided to ask him if he wanted to go putt-putt golfing since I had a free game (yes, I asked HIM out!!). He said yes, and the rest is history. Well, it wasn't quite that simple :) Our first date was almost our last because after we went golfing we went back to his house and he turned the NASCAR race on and proceeded to pretty much ignore me the rest of the night! I remember when I got home my mom was dying to know how it went and I remember telling her that I didn't think I would go out with him again!! I decided to give him another chance and our second date was much better than our first. We started dating the summer of 1999 and on April 26, 2001 Jeff proposed to me in the Ravines of Grand Valley State University. We were married on June 29, 2002. Since I was only 21 when we were married and I had just graduated from college I was in no hurry to start a family. I figured it would be at least 3 years before I would be ready to start a family. Jeff was ready pretty much anytime, but he understood that I wasn't quite ready yet. It took me a little more than 3 years to start thinking about kids - I think I bought my first pregnancy books in 2006 and after reading them decided I still wasn't quite ready to go through everything they talked about in the books :) Plus, the house we lived in at the time was super small and only had 2 really little bedrooms, so I didn't really want to start a family in such a small space. We sold our house in January of 2007 and started remodeling a house right down the road from where Jeff grew up (I'll post more on that later). We had done the Clark Lake Triathlon in 2005 and 2006 and were going to do it again in 2007. I was determined to finish the triathlon in under 2 hours, and I told Jeff that if I did, I would be ready to start trying to have a family. Well, I finished it in 1 hour, 56 minutes, so now I had to keep my word :)
We were blessed to get pregnant on our first try, and I found out I was pregnant on September 21, 2007. We were still working on our house (and living with my mom), so I was a little nervous about the timing, but still very excited. On September 30th I had been working on some landscaping at the house, and when we got back to my mom's I started to feel pain on the left side of my groin. I thought I had maybe pulled a muscle while using the shovel, so I didn't think much of it. The pain kept getting worse throughout the evening, and I decided to go to bed to see if I could get some sleep. I woke up in agony around 2 am and tried walking around and stretching to see if it would get better, but it didn't. I finally woke Jeff up at 3 am and told him that we needed to go to the ER. When we got there they drew my blood to check my HCG values, and they came back really low, but there was no one there to do an ultrasound so we had to wait until my OB/GYN's office opened to have him check that everything was okay. He did the ultrasound around 8:30 am and told me that the pregnancy was ectopic and I would have to have surgery right away to remove it before it burst my tube. I was in complete shock and didn't even know how to handle the news. I had never heard of anyone who had an ectopic pregnancy and only knew what it was from what I had read in books. I couldn't believe that it had happened to me. All my life I had been lucky enough to not have any problems with periods and everything pretty much ran like clockwork, so I had never expected to have any trouble having a baby. That morning I had a laproscopy and laprotomy to remove the baby and ended up with 15 staples and no baby. It was the worst time in my life (up to that point). We hadn't even told our parents that we were pregnant so Jeff had to call our parents and tell them that I was going in for surgery to remove the baby. It was a horrible time. After the surgery my friends all tried to be there for me but I didn't know how to handle what I was feeling so I just holed up at my mom's and didn't really talk to anyone for awhile.
Two months after the surgery we got the green light from the doctor to start trying again, and again we were lucky and got pregnant right away. I found out I was pregnant on December 23, 2007. On January 7th the doctor confirmed the baby was in my uterus so we were super excited. A few weeks later we went in for my 8 week checkup to see the heartbeat. The doctor wasn't able to see one, but said he wasn't too worried since it was still so early. We made an appointment to see him the next week. On Saturday, January 19th I had a little blood when I went to the bathroom. I freaked out, but I tried not too worry too much since I had read that it was pretty common in early pregnancy to have some bleeding. We went to church the next day and during the prayers I felt something and ran to the bathroom. There was blood everywhere. I stayed in the bathroom for close to half an hour with more and more blood coming. I finally came out and told Jeff we needed to go to the ER (for the second time in three months). When we got there they did an ultrasound and couldn't find the baby. At that point I knew there was no chance because I had never seen so much blood. The doctor decided not to do a D&C because I had recently had surgery.
After this, I decided I needed a break from trying to get pregnant, both emotionally and physically. I had gained about 20 lbs after the ectopic pregnancy and my 10 year high school reunion was coming up in the summer and I wanted to focus on getting healthy both mentally and physically. We decided to run a 25K in the Keewenaw Peninsula that summer to help get in shape. We were also going through a bunch of issues with our house remodel and our contractor, so I knew that I needed to take some time off.
In August of 2008 we started trying again, and this time it took a few months. I found out I was pregnant in early November and the doctor confirmed it based on my HCG values, but I ended up having another miscarriage 6 days later. This one wasn't as bad since it was still so early but it was still heartbreaking. I was able to get pregnant again in January but found out that this one was another ectopic in the same tube. I hadn't felt any pain but the doctor saw it on an ultrasound, so I had another surgery on January 19th, 2008. This time the doctor had to remove my left fallopian tube because there was too much scarring. He was able to do it all laprascopically, so it wasn't as bad of a recovery as the first one.
At this point the doctor wanted to check to make sure there was nothing wrong with my right tube (he didn't want me to have to go through another ectopic) so I had a hysterogram (sp?) in February. Other than childbirth, this was the most painful thing I have ever had done. Thankfully, everything turned out okay on the scan and he gave us the okay to start trying again. He did warn us that it might take longer because if I ovulated on the left side I wouldn't be able to get pregnant since the tube had been removed.
We tried for three months with no luck. During that time, I found out my sister was pregnant, and I had a really hard time with it. I was getting desperate at this point. In May 2009 I decided I needed a fresh start and started going to a new doctor. She put me on Clomid to hopefully help me get pregnant. We did 2 months at 50 mg and then went to 100 mg. She told me that if I didn't get pregnant after 2 cycles on 100 mg that I would have to start taking fertility drugs. I really didn't want to go on the drugs so I prayed really hard that I would be able to get pregnant. I remember this was a really dark time in my life. It was like everything else stopped mattering and all I could think about was getting pregnant. It haunted everything else I did. It was so frustrating to have been able to get pregnant so easily before and then try for 6 months without any luck.
By the grace of God I found out on September 4, 2009 that I was pregnant. I could hardly believe the test and I think I took 3 or 4 of them. My sister's baby shower was the next weekend, and I remember the day before her shower I started having pain in my groin and I was convinced that it was another ectopic pregnancy. I remember trying not to cry the whole time during her shower as she was opening her gifts because I was so sure that I would never have a baby shower of my own.
I must have actually pulled my groin that time because when I went to the doctor she was able to see the baby in my uterus. She still couldn't see a heartbeat, but I made an appointment for the next week and tried not to obsess and worry too much. I'll never forget how wonderful it was when I went to that appointment and saw the little heartbeat blink on/off, on/off on the screen. I started crying and was just so overwhelmed to finally be able to see a heartbeat on my baby. It was so hard not to tell everyone I knew but Jeff and I had agreed to wait until 12 weeks to tell anyone. We were super paranoid because we had told people right away on the others and were determined to do everything different this time to not "jinx" anything. I was also so worried to do any physical activity - I had started coaching cross country a month before and was so nervous any time I had to run at one of the meets to get the kids' times that it was going to cause another miscarriage. I was so tired of living in fear of losing a baby!!
Thankfully, everything went okay and we were able to tell everyone in the middle of November. I was very lucky and had a textbook pregnancy and all my ultrasounds were normal. We decided not to find out what we were having because after everything I had been through I wanted it to be a surprise. I also think that deep down I was worried about becoming too attached to the baby.
Finally, after almost three years of trying to have a baby, our beautiful little girl Grace Luella was born on May 13, 2010. I still couldn't believe it when I held her in my arms the first time. I knew that I had never seen anything so beautiful in my life.
So, that's our story. I'll post more details about her birth later. It sounds like someone is hungry :)
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