Our story

Wow, I'm starting a blog.  This was something I've always thought of doing, but never really thought I'd have anything that interesting to talk about.  Now that our daughter, Grace, is here, I decided I can use this as both a diary of her life and also a way to keep family and friends updated on our family. 
I figured I should start at the beginning, or at least the beginning of me and my husband.  I first met Jeff at our church when I was 14 and he was 21.  Since there was such a big age difference we only saw each other in passing on Sundays and never really talked much.  Shortly after my 18th birthday my mom said she saw Jeff "looking at me" in church when I was playing the piano.  I blew her off, thinking, "no way".  A few weeks later our youth group went putt-putt golfing and I somehow got a hole in one on the last hole, so I won a free game.  My mom kept bugging me about how Jeff was "looking at me" so I decided to ask him if he wanted to go putt-putt golfing since I had a free game (yes, I asked HIM out!!).  He said yes, and the rest is history.  Well, it wasn't quite that simple :)  Our first date was almost our last because after we went golfing we went back to his house and he turned the NASCAR race on and proceeded to pretty much ignore me the rest of the night!  I remember when I got home my mom was dying to know how it went and I remember telling her that I didn't think I would go out with him again!!  I decided to give him another chance and our second date was much better than our first.  We started dating the summer of 1999 and on April 26, 2001 Jeff proposed to me in the Ravines of Grand Valley State University.  We were married on June 29, 2002.  Since I was only 21 when we were married and I had just graduated from college I was in no hurry to start a family.  I figured it would be at least 3 years before I would be ready to start a family.  Jeff was ready pretty much anytime, but he understood that I wasn't quite ready yet.  It took me a little more than 3 years to start thinking about kids - I think I bought my first pregnancy books in 2006 and after reading them decided I still wasn't quite ready to go through everything they talked about in the books :)  Plus, the house we lived in at the time was super small and only had 2 really little bedrooms, so I didn't really want to start a family in such a small space.  We sold our house in January of 2007 and started remodeling a house right down the road from where Jeff grew up (I'll post more on that later).  We had done the Clark Lake Triathlon in 2005 and 2006 and were going to do it again in 2007.  I was determined to finish the triathlon in under 2 hours, and I told Jeff that if I did, I would be ready to start trying to have a family.  Well, I finished it in 1 hour, 56 minutes, so now I had to keep my word :) 
We were blessed to get pregnant on our first try, and I found out I was pregnant on September 21, 2007.  We were still working on our house (and living with my mom), so I was a little nervous about the timing, but still very excited.  On September 30th I had been working on some landscaping at the house, and when we got back to my mom's I started to feel pain on the left side of my groin.  I thought I had maybe pulled a muscle while using the shovel, so I didn't think much of it.  The pain kept getting worse throughout the evening, and I decided to go to bed to see if I could get some sleep.  I woke up in agony around 2 am and tried walking around and stretching to see if it would get better, but it didn't.  I finally woke Jeff up at 3 am and told him that we needed to go to the ER.  When we got there they drew my blood to check my HCG values, and they came back really low, but there was no one there to do an ultrasound so we had to wait until my OB/GYN's office opened to have him check that everything was okay.  He did the ultrasound around 8:30 am and told me that the pregnancy was ectopic and I would have to have surgery right away to remove it before it burst my tube.  I was in complete shock and didn't even know how to handle the news.  I had never heard of anyone who had an ectopic pregnancy and only knew what it was from what I had read in books.  I couldn't believe that it had happened to me.  All my life I had been lucky enough to not have any problems with periods and everything pretty much ran like clockwork, so I had never expected to have any trouble having a baby.  That morning I had a laproscopy and laprotomy to remove the baby and ended up with 15 staples and no baby.  It was the worst time in my life (up to that point).  We hadn't even told our parents that we were pregnant so Jeff had to call our parents and tell them that I was going in for surgery to remove the baby.  It was a horrible time.  After the surgery my friends all tried to be there for me but I didn't know how to handle what I was feeling so I just holed up at my mom's and didn't really talk to anyone for awhile.
Two months after the surgery we got the green light from the doctor to start trying again, and again we were lucky and got pregnant right away.  I found out I was pregnant on December 23, 2007.  On January 7th the doctor confirmed the baby was in my uterus so we were super excited.  A few weeks later we went in for my 8 week checkup to see the heartbeat.  The doctor wasn't able to see one, but said he wasn't too worried since it was still so early.  We made an appointment to see him the next week.  On Saturday, January 19th I had a little blood when I went to the bathroom.  I freaked out, but I tried not too worry too much since I had read that it was pretty common in early pregnancy to have some bleeding.  We went to church the next day and during the prayers I felt something and ran to the bathroom.  There was blood everywhere.  I stayed in the bathroom for close to half an hour with more and more blood coming.  I finally came out and told Jeff we needed to go to the ER (for the second time in three months).  When we got there they did an ultrasound and couldn't find the baby.  At that point I knew there was no chance because I had never seen so much blood.  The doctor decided not to do a D&C because I had recently had surgery. 
After this, I decided I needed a break from trying to get pregnant, both emotionally and physically.  I had gained about 20 lbs after the ectopic pregnancy and my 10 year high school reunion was coming up in the summer and I wanted to focus on getting healthy both mentally and physically.  We decided to run a 25K in the Keewenaw Peninsula that summer to help get in shape.  We were also going through a bunch of issues with our house remodel and our contractor, so I knew that I needed to take some time off.
In August of 2008 we started trying again, and this time it took a few months.  I found out I was pregnant in early November and the doctor confirmed it based on my HCG values, but I ended up having another miscarriage 6 days later.  This one wasn't as bad since it was still so early but it was still heartbreaking.  I was able to get pregnant again in January but found out that this one was another ectopic in the same tube.  I hadn't felt any pain but the doctor saw it on an ultrasound, so I had another surgery on January 19th, 2008.  This time the doctor had to remove my left fallopian tube because there was too much scarring.  He was able to do it all laprascopically, so it wasn't as bad of a recovery as the first one. 
At this point the doctor wanted to check to make sure there was nothing wrong with my right tube (he didn't want me to have to go through another ectopic) so I had a hysterogram (sp?) in February.  Other than childbirth, this was the most painful thing I have ever had done.  Thankfully, everything turned out okay on the scan and he gave us the okay to start trying again.  He did warn us that it might take longer because if I ovulated on the left side I wouldn't be able to get pregnant since the tube had been removed. 
We tried for three months with no luck.  During that time, I found out my sister was pregnant, and I had a really hard time with it.  I was getting desperate at this point.  In May 2009 I decided I needed a fresh start and started going to a new doctor.  She put me on Clomid to hopefully help me get pregnant.  We did 2 months at 50 mg and then went to 100 mg.  She told me that if I didn't get pregnant after 2 cycles on 100 mg that I would have to start taking fertility drugs.  I really didn't want to go on the drugs so I prayed really hard that I would be able to get pregnant.  I remember this was a really dark time in my life.  It was like everything else stopped mattering and all I could think about was getting pregnant.  It haunted everything else I did. It was so frustrating to have been able to get pregnant so easily before and then try for 6 months without any luck.
By the grace of God I found out on September 4, 2009 that I was pregnant.  I could hardly believe the test and I think I took 3 or 4 of them.  My sister's baby shower was the next weekend, and I remember the day before her shower I started having pain in my groin and I was convinced that it was another ectopic pregnancy.  I remember trying not to cry the whole time during her shower as she was opening her gifts because I was so sure that I would never have a baby shower of my own. 
I must have actually pulled my groin that time because when I went to the doctor she was able to see the baby in my uterus.  She still couldn't see a heartbeat, but I made an appointment for the next week and tried not to obsess and worry too much.  I'll never forget how wonderful it was when I went to that appointment and saw the little heartbeat blink on/off, on/off on the screen.  I started crying and was just so overwhelmed to finally be able to see a heartbeat on my baby.  It was so hard not to tell everyone I knew but Jeff and I had agreed to wait until 12 weeks to tell anyone.  We were super paranoid because we had told people right away on the others and were determined to do everything different this time to not "jinx" anything.  I was also so worried to do any physical activity - I had started coaching cross country a month before and was so nervous any time I had to run at one of the meets to get the kids' times that it was going to cause another miscarriage.  I was so tired of living in fear of losing a baby!!
Thankfully, everything went okay and we were able to tell everyone in the middle of November.  I was very lucky and had a textbook pregnancy and all my ultrasounds were normal.  We decided not to find out what we were having because after everything I had been through I wanted it to be a surprise.  I also think that deep down I was worried about becoming too attached to the baby. 

Finally, after almost three years of trying to have a baby, our beautiful little girl Grace Luella was born on May 13, 2010.  I still couldn't believe it when I held her in my arms the first time.  I knew that I had never seen anything so beautiful in my life.

So, that's our story.  I'll post more details about her birth later.  It sounds like someone is hungry :)